EBHSG - DECEMBER 1996 MEETING NOTES

TOPIC: "REDUCING HOLIDAY STRESS"

Stephen Sardella, M.F.C.C., a psychotherapist and a professor of clinical psychology at John F. Kennedy University in Orinda, spoke at the December 10, 1996 meeting. 21 people attended this meeting, which was held in the Ball Auditorium at John Muir Medical Center from 7:30 to 9:00 PM.

Steve began his talk by saying that he has experienced only one diagnosed migraine, but that he didn’t feel it. He has, though, suffered from chronic arthritis for 26 years. He discovered that it was most often precipitated by emotional stress, and after he started using stress reduction techniques, the arthritis is not a problem for him anymore.

Holiday stress is under the heading of Family Life Cycle Stress. The holidays are a time for celebration and getting together with family members and friends. During the holidays, though, we experience family tensions, have an increased social schedule and endless lists of things to do, and also have unfulfilled expectations.

Steve said there are two rules about stress to remember:

1. "Don’t sweat the small stuff."
2. "It’s all small stuff."

Steps that need to be taken when trying to reduce stress are:

1. Know what your stressors are.
2. Plan strategies to cope with those stressors.

1. Confront old habits
2. Take small steps
3. Make small changes over time

Typical stressors:

1. Unrealistic expectations, or trying to do too much.
2. Perfectionism.
3. Keeping up with the Jones’s.
4. Trying to duplicate the perfect holiday. (You should take every year as it comes.)
5. Baking, cooking, and dinner parties.
6. Family traditions that have lost practicality. Steve mentioned "Paradigms and Collisions," when family tradition bumps up with the current family situation. He said, "Traditions are good, but not at the expense of mental health."
7. Pressure of buying meaningful gifts.
8. Pressure to control spending.
9. Pressure for social schedule.
10. Pressure for contacting relatives.
11. Change in diet, and drinking alcohol.

Steve asked the group members, "What emotions do you have about the holidays?" One person answered, "Overwhelmed." He said family issues get triggered by the holidays. Some strategies he recommended to reduce holiday stress:

1. Reinvent the holidays for yourself.
2. Plan to mail packages early rather than late.

Life Cycle Stress—Major changes in life cause stress. They may be positive changes, but it is still stress. People have anniversary reactions which are stressful. For instance, the anniversary of a loved one’s death can be a stressful time.

Personality types can be modified. Type A – has five times the heart attack rate over Type B. Some clues to a Type A personality:

* Domineering * Aggressive * Perfectionistic (all or nothing/black or white)

"Be a 5 or 6 sometimes—you don’t have to be a 10."

* Passive/Aggressive * False beliefs * Family of origin * Chronic anxiety

Stress plays a role in migraine. Steve took a poll of the group, asking them how many ex-perienced migraine headaches after a stressful situation. The majority raised their hands. He said that muscle contraction headaches tend to be concurrent with stress, whereas migraine headaches caused by stress might be experienced three days after the stressful event.

Steve told us about the Six Second Quieting Response which he thinks is a great way to relieve stress. He uses the Quieting Response whenever he feels a stress response and finds it helps him to regain control. Steve handed out a packet of useful information which he had collected and made up for the headache support group. Included in the hand-out are the Six Second Quieting Response, guidelines for simple meditation, a self-assessment exercise, skills to relieve stress symptoms, time management skills, a 90-day stress management plan, and a bibliography.

The notes provided above were taken by an EBHSG volunteer and have not been reviewed by the speaker for accuracy. If you have any questions regarding the notes, please contact the EBHSG.

The intention of the East Bay Headache Support Group is to provide information and resources. It does not provide medical advice, which should be obtained directly from a physician.